For three days, the resignation letter sat on Martha’s desk. Each morning she’d move it aside, carefully, as if it might break, and tell herself she’d deal with it later.
When she finally brought it to our coaching session, she said, “I keep thinking I should just sign this thing, but something feels unfinished.”
I asked what unfinished meant to her.
“Like maybe I’m making too big a deal out of normal career restlessness. Like I should be grateful for what I have.”
Martha had spent fifteen years building her career as a senior fashion merchandiser. The role offered security, status and recognition. But when I asked her what she wanted her work to mean, she struggled to find the words.
“I don’t know if I’m allowed to want it to mean something,” she confessed.
That admission opened something. We started mapping the details of her choice—not the stay-or-go decision she thought she was making, but the deeper question underneath: could she choose to give herself permission to want something different than what she’d always said she wanted?
As we pulled apart what was really influencing her decision, we discovered the old and limiting stories she’d been carrying as truth. Sensible people don’t walk away from security. Good jobs are hard to find. You’re too established to start over now.
Sigining the resignation letter wasn’t the real choice. The choice was whether she’d keep letting those stories decide for her.
I’ve watched this pattern show up across all kinds of decisions. A client spent six months saying she wanted to set boundaries with her mother, but every conversation ended with her backing down. When we mapped what was really happening, we found an old belief that protecting herself meant she was being difficult. The boundary wasn’t the choice, the choice was whether her needs mattered as much as keeping the peace.
Another client kept his partner at arm’s length emotionally while saying he wanted more intimacy. He’d rehearse vulnerable conversations in his head but never have them. As we explored what was underneath, he realized he’d been taught that needing closeness was weakness. The choice wasn’t about the relationship, it was about whether he’d risk being seen as weak to be known.
I see it in smaller moments too. Scrolling past job postings that excite you because wanting them feels presumptuous. Staying quiet when plans don’t work because your preferences feel like an imposition. Dismissing creative projects as selfish because wanting time for yourself feels indulgent.
Sometimes what looks like indecision is actually the quiet work of recognizing what you’ve been telling yourself about what you’re allowed to want.
Martha didn’t sign the letter that day, but something shifted in how she looked at it. Two weeks later, she told me she’d put it in a drawer—not to forget about it, but because the choice it represented had changed. She wasn’t deciding whether to leave her job anymore. She was deciding what kind of work life she wanted to build.
The letter might come back out. Or not. What mattered was that she could finally see what the choice was really about.
What choice are you debating that might actually be about permission?
What have you been telling yourself you’re not allowed to want?
Sometimes the choice hiding beneath your choice is the one that changes everything.
P.S. If this message found you recognizing a choice that might be about something deeper, here are a few ways I can support you:
- Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re ready to see what’s really at stake in a choice you’re making, this one-on-one session helps you move from surface decisions to choosing from what’s true. [Book your session]
- Read The Book of Choice – Discover how bringing consciousness to your choices reveals what truly matters and what you’ve been telling yourself you can’t want. [Get the book]
- Take The Choice Quiz – Identify your decision-making patterns and what drives the choices you make. [Start the quiz]
- Work with me privately – Whether you’re navigating a decision that feels stuck or facing other choices that need clarity, let’s explore what’s really asking for your attention. [Let’s connect]
- Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – If you’re ready to see beyond surface decisions and recognize what your choices are really about, this self-paced program gives you a reliable process for making decisions with confidence. [Learn more]
